is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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