i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
