she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
