i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
