Can i not drive my cunt home
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
