Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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