Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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