you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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