ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
