4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
