The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
