I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
