Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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