So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
