I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
