i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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