Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
