I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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