....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
