i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
