You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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