thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
