I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
