she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
