the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
