Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he was CRYING into my vagina
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He? As in you personified your dick?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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