i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
