Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
