dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
