he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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