I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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