Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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