I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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