He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
