I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
