I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
