When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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