PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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