were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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