i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
