Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
