i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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