is your mom at the bar?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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