I wish I could teleport
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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