I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
