Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
