if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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