We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
