dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
