Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
