I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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