like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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