my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
this is an emotional support booty call
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
